Things have definitely picked up. I’ve seen some crazy shit in my short life, but vampires and demons? Jesus. No wonder I drink. If I told John about this he would have me hauled away into rehab immediately. Fuck. I feel bad that he takes my father’s responsibilities onto himself. He doesn’t deserve my troubles piled on top of his own. He has grown children and a wife already to deal with. His children turned out wonderfully. His daughter is an attorney in Minneapolis and his son works in business of some kind out in California. He is going to be a grandfather soon. His son’s wife is just about to pop apparently. Yet here he is chasing me around, bailing me out of jail and dealing with my vices. Like everyone who cares about me he deserves better. I wish he would understand that every speech he makes, every time he scolds me and reminds me of my failures he only grows my own guilt over not being able to save her. I see the man I have become. I feel my edges folding in. I’ve felt it every moment since the night she died in my arms. I cannot let it go. She is in my dreams whenever I close my eyes. In my stupor I sometimes see her, laughing in front of me; wearing that crooked grin while she cooked for me in the kitchen. I don’t recognize the man in the mirror anymore. Part of me died with her and the more he tries to pound at me to find it scratching beneath my shell the more my bruises only spread wider and deeper in my psyche. I wish I could come out of this, I wish I could find the man Alice knew. This is all that is left. Just me and the mess I’ve created.
Quinn is a demon, they say. Well, I guess she says too. Who am I to argue? I have to admit I never would have guessed with her quiet demeanor. I would have expected something more…feral, I suppose. Still I can’t deny what she did during our scrape in the old meat factory. If weren’t for her power we were headed for an unhappy end. My plan didn’t work out so well with our prisoner, but I’m not feeling like myself since my probation kicked in. Two fucking years? Total bullshit. Fucking Hedstrom. If he just left me alone we wouldn’t have been at such a disadvantage. The lumberjack is growing on me. He has a simple honesty about him that I like. Talking to him is uncomplicated. Jessie is kind of a snob. He always knows better in hindsight. It’s infuriating. If you have a plan then speak up. Anyone can point out flaws, but it isn’t helpful. Fucking internet people should stick to their cats and trolling. He has talent, but no people skills. Vision is, well, still a bit of a mystery. I wouldn’t trust her alone in a room with my wallet or cell phone, but she comes through when the shit hits the fan so as long as I keep an eye on her everything should be fine. She’d probably clean out my medicine cabinet, but she wouldn’t leave me to die. I can live with that. Father John is a trying man. We were totally unprepared for our encounter with the Vampires. Isn’t he supposed to mentor us? Three machetes and a slap on the ass isn’t really what I would call preparation for taking on ancient evil. That is the last time I count on his expertise. From here on out I’m not going to get caught with my pants down, well not figuratively anyway.
We learned a lot about ourselves. More importantly we learned about the waters we are wading into. We better learn to swim fast or risk drowning in the current.